Scrooge Goes $hopping!

 We are getting pretty close to the last minute for holiday shopping.  You’ve probably already sensed that I don’t like the pressure of gift-giving by a certain date or out of obligation.  And, I suppose, to be honest, it stresses me out to shop.  If you like shopping and selecting and wrapping gifts and it brings you joy, I am not here to discourage you.  You make up for people like me! A friend just described a 13-hour shopping excursion with such a beaming face,  that I wouldn’t want to take that away from anyone who enjoyed it so much.  Some people are very gifted at gift-giving.  Maybe I can be, too, when I’m not up against deadlines. 

Cranky at Christmas time?

One of the biggest shopping days of the year is December 26.  I wonder what that says about us.  I’m a little afraid it means we didn’t get what we wanted (or in the right size or color) and we are returning gifts. Consequently, I get discouraged about spending my time shopping to give a gift that someone else has to take the time to go “unshop” (otherwise known as returning or exchanging).  Why not save the time and let them buy their own gift in the first place? Apparently I am not alone in this thinking, as evidenced by the huge gift card industry.

As we get down to the wire, many people are tempted to give a gift card.  They cost very little to ship and many can be sent electronically.  According to the National Retail Federation, gift cards are the most requested gift item for the holidays for the eighth year in a row.  But, get ready, because I’m about to Grinch the gift cards, too.  For one thing, most gift cards are for a specific store, which ties the recipient to an item only from that store.  Frequently, the amount on the gift card and the amount of the purchase are different, which means that recipients either have to shell out extra cash from their own pocket (the gift that costs) or they leave a small balance on the card to be under the value, meaning you just gave less than you intended.  Of course, a few dollars isn’t a big deal, but added together it is a big deal.  One company, in 2011, reported $53 million in income from “breakage” or the amount paid for on cards unlikely to be redeemed.  A recent report said that in total Americans leave more than one Billion dollars on cards each year.  So, I guess, if you want to give a gift to a big business, go ahead.  But, if you are more interested in giving a gift that helps your niece or nephew, you may want to rethink the gift card.  Plus, I haven’t even touched on fees – initial fee, dormancy fee, usage and replacement fees.  If giving a gift card, read the fine print.

I would say, “go green” and just give cash, but I have some personal experience that leads me to advise you to write a check instead.  In addition to being safer to put through the post, a check can be re-issued if it is lost in the holiday havoc.  My husband recalls a memorable Christmas with his family one year.  Part way through Christmas Day someone went to find a few of their gifts and they were nowhere to be found, which started several of them looking.  It became a frantic finding festival with nothing found and then there was a flicker of memory from the night before.  Could it be that when the gift wrap was bundled up and taken to the garbage, the gifts (including cash gifts) had all gone to the trash, too?  Sure enough.  Unfortunately, the garbage in those days was disposed of in a burn barrel … that had been lit.  There were charred remains, evidence of the gifts (and cash) that went up in flames. On the bright side, while not funny at the time, it has become a fun holiday memory.

For many, the idea of giving money isn’t very exciting and may make you spend more than you otherwise would have, so the amount doesn’t look inadequate. For years, I avoided giving money because I could often find a “deal” that made it look like I spent more than I had.  Then I realized, that I probably wasn’t saving anything, or fooling anyone.  If the receiver returned the item, they would know what I spent anyway.  Plus, the extra impulse purchases made while shopping probably more than made up any difference between the “perceived” savings and the dollar amount I’d spend in a check.  I know that giving money doesn’t exude a ton of sentiment, and maybe I’m too practical.  Or boring, or a Scrooge.  Or maybe it is that I just have really good memories of getting money as gifts. 

Find Your Joy!
Photo by Greg Miller Photography

Grandma and Grandpa believed that “green” was everyone’s favorite color. It was pretty hard for my Grandma to get around.  She didn’t drive and was pretty much house-bound, as she had mobility impairments.  For her, shopping either meant a catalogue or waiting until Grandpa wanted to make the annual to the shopping mall in Havre.  Thus, they gave cash.  They were generous people, so it wasn’t anticlimactic.  Actually, we looked forward to the money each year.  In high school, most of their gift went to clothes that I would not otherwise have purchased.  In college, it often went for books for classes, so it helped me with my education.  A pretty important gift, I’d say.  Somewhere along the way, I started setting aside a portion to buy a keepsake -- a silver hair clip, a sapphire ring, a pretty necklace. 

If you love shopping and gift-giving, go ahead and knock yourself out.  But, if it usurps your joy, unburden yourself of the obligation.  So as much as one friend glowed while talking of shopping, another one had an expression of relief when she said she was going to give money this year instead or shopping this year.  We all have our own situations, stressors and strengths.  I just want to give you permission to fully embrace yours, whatever it is. 

Because when it comes to gifts, it isn’t really an object or money that matters – it is the gift YOU are to others that carries the most importance.  It has been said that there is no present like time.  What I cherish about my grandparents now is the time they gave me.  The lessons they taught.  The love they shared.  The greatest gifts my grandparents ever gave me I carry with me every day wrapped beautifully in memories in my heart. 

With MSU Extension in Teton County, this is Jane Wolery, encouraging you to think about the true gift YOU are to someone this holiday season.  

 

 Disclaimer:  My opinion is a gift.  If you don't like it, it is fully refundable and exchangeable.  I've even been known to exchange it for a new one myself from time to time.   Links provided below are in now way intended to support or fund or endorse.  They are just provided because I thought you might find them useful.  

Resources:

Shop Smart

Jean Chatzky

Fortune

Gift Card Regulations

Bah! Humbug! Just Breathe ...

I know last week I was a little bah-humbug about the holidays.  I really don’t mean to sound like Scrooge, but the holidays provide unique stressors for nearly everyone.  For me, it tends to be gift giving.  It stresses my time, energy, creativity and budget.  I don’t think I’m alone.  A conversation with my 10-year-old daughter revealed that she, too, is stressed about finding the right gifts for her family that fit within the confines of her time, talent and budget.  We talked about the gifts she brings that we appreciate most are not ones that can be put in a box and wrapped.  Her sense of humor and loving spirit are two much appreciated gifts.  Still, even 10-year-olds are not immune to the stresses of the season.

Maybe for you gift-giving isn’t the trigger.  Maybe food is a stressor for you.  All those high-sugar treats tempting you all the time.  It could be the extra events in the schedule that tax a limited energy supply.  Perhaps your stressor is a particular family member who pushes your buttons and who you can avoid most of the year, except during the holidays.  And, for many, the holidays bring to mind the person who isn’t at the holiday table this year, and never will be again. 

Life, with its joys and sorrows, doesn’t really consult dates on a calendar when it presents us with challenges.  It has been a long time ago now, but I remember two holiday seasons, in particular, where I vacillated between the joyfulness of the season and the clarity of future reality.  It was a little bit like being on a teeter-totter on a playground.  Thrilled when you were up and bracing for when you were down, never knowing if it was going to be a soft touch down, going right back up; or, if this was the time you hit hard and bounced off. 

In 2004, my family – the sisters, the spouses, the children and my parents – all decided to go to Lethbridge for a family vacation.  We planned to enjoy a water par
k and other holiday happenings the city had to offer.  We were one year into my Dad’s brain cancer at that point.  The idea was great, but the timing was bittersweet.  Dad had been doing pretty well, but during that trip, it became evident that the tumor was growing again.  The following year, we spent the holiday season with Dad at Peace Hospice in Great Falls.  As a mother with young children at the time, I tried to keep up the appearances of the holidays for their sake.  Looking back, it seems like a strange blur of all the right holiday dresses, food and decorations accompanied with the worry, the doctors and nurses, and the inevitable death of my father. 

I think all people have their own bittersweet at the holidays.  I think the trick is to find more sweet than bitter.  There are ways to counteract holiday stress triggers.  One way is to communicate your needs clearly to those around you.  If cooking the meal for a huge family gathering destroys your joy, do a potluck or ask everyone to bring one appetizer, or have everyone bring their favorite cereal and you supply the milk.  Your family will surely remember the year they had cold cereal for their holiday feast!  Or, skip the food entirely and do a game night.  Another way to combat stress is to get regular exercise.  Even if you have company or are traveling, set aside the time you normally would to walk, swim, run or stretch.  Try to keep your diet as regular as possible, maybe even putting a little more focus on getting a wide variety of colorful fruits and vegetables. Eat a healthy breakfast packed with whole grains and drink plenty of water. When you are well-nourished, it seems you can handle more of the stresses coming your way. 

You can also use a variety of breathing techniques to reduce stress.  One breathing technique I learned during my counselor training was to exhale through your mouth as long as possible.  When you can no longer breathe out, take a deep breath in.  This technique was recommended for people who had anxiety attacks.  When you are already anxious, you are pretty tight and then someone will say, “take a deep breath,” which is not possible because are tense.  If you breathe the air out of your lungs first, they have to refill.  It can be very helpful in stressful situations or when having trouble sleeping at night.  Just repeat the process a few times until your body relaxes. 

You can even use those devices we all seem to be carrying around to help you relieve stress during the holidays.  The Shop Smart magazine, produced by Consumer Reports, recommended a few apps for stress reduction, including Breathe2Relax, Buddhify, Omvana and more, plus a few recommended podcasts including those found at UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center.  If an app isn’t for you, perhaps set a timer to remind you to go for a walk or do some deep breathing, stretching and relaxation exercises. 

With some of the stress-reduction tips, I hope you will find yourself up more than down on this season’s see-saw.  

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Disclaimer:  I have faith that you will take what you can use from this blog and discard the rest.  I believe in your ability to discern whether or not to spend any money on products suggested.  I trust you to understand that I am not endorsing any particular commercially available product over another one of like quality and cost.  

Resources:

The resources below are links to other websites that may be of interest to you on the same topic as this blog.

A Simple Enough Holiday  -- After writing my post, I found this article.  The author and I seem to share many of the same sentiments.  Wonder if we are distantly related?  

Tips on Holiday Eating from Our Friends at Utah State University Extension

Coping with Stress from eXtension

Grief and the Holidays

And now a few words from the Christmas Witch ...

Around this time last year, a misguided and belated witch, presumably from Halloween, arrived to take over my psyche during the Christmas holiday season.  My family will recall that it nearly took an exorcism to remove her from my body.  I was very frustrated last year with the tasks related to the holiday season.  The tasks that annoyed me the most, and with Grinch-like stealth stole my pleasure, were related to gift-giving.  I know, “it is better to give than receive” and all that, but I was in no mood for either giving or receiving -- at least not tangible, store-bought items.  I was actually so uncharacteristically miserable about it last year that I vowed to reassign the gift detail to my husband this year.  We have a month to go to see how that works!

Maybe you also find yourself overwhelmed during the holidays.  There are a variety of tips that people can use to bring a better proportion to their holiday season, but for now, since my Scrooge-like focus is on gift giving, I’ll offer a few tips in that department.  One of my favorite ideas is to eliminate gift-giving entirely, when possible.  All those $5-10 gifts for the various groups your family belongs to, from work to clubs, really add up.  Not only in the monetary budget, but in the energy budget.  All the time spent shopping and deciding and wrapping only clutter your holidays.  And, really, when was the last time you got or gave a $10 gift that it was truly a needed item.  Most people can and will buy what they want for themselves in that price range.  My “gift” to many people in my world is that I will neither provide nor expect gifts from them.  Talk to your colleagues or your civic clubs and youth organizations and take a load off everyone and eliminate the gift exchange.

Another idea to reduce financial strain during the gift-giving hubbub is to start with the end in mind.  At the end of your purchases, you don’t want the residual gift to be perma-debt. Far too many households carry an extraordinary amount of credit card debt. People often get carried away, either with the impulse purchases during the holiday season or with the pressure to give really good (read expensive) gifts.  Jean Chatzky, author and financial editor for NBC's Today Show, recommends a budget of 1.5% of your household’s after-tax income be spent on holiday gifting.  According to the US Department of Labor, the mean wage in Montana is $39,000.  After subtracting 25%, as a general estimate for taxes, that leaves $29,250 multiplied by 1.5%, leaves $438 for a gift budget.  Based on this example, our average Joe Montanan, would write down everyone on his gift-giving list and figure out how to divide up his gift budget among those recipients.  According to Chatzky, 1.5% is the amount most Americans can pay off by February, if they charge holiday purchases.  Well, now, thanks to the math, I realize why I was so grumpy last year.  The price on the expected and advertised gifts well exceeded my 1.5% budget!

A friend offered another suggestion to reduce the stress of holiday shopping.  She only gives what she can buy locally.  Think about how much time is saved, and how much more pleasant the experience, when shopping where you live.  Perhaps the choices will be more limited than the gazillion options of online shopping, but it can be the gift that keeps giving – circulating money in the local economy.  Plus, it can be a great tool for those of us who suffer from TMC (Too Many Choices) syndrome. 

Another tip is to give only gifts you already own. Some of the most memorable and nicest gifts I’ve ever received were used and it actually was the “thought” that counted.  Among my favorite gifting ideas is to give services, such as oil changes, haircuts, house cleaning or to share your own talents by volunteering to mend or cook, or do odd jobs for which you are skilled.  I also like the idea of giving experiences, not things, which reduces clutter.  A great example I heard recently was when grandchildren, who never know what to get their grandmother anyway, decided to pay for her to participate in strength-training classes at her assisted-living facility.  One of my favorite gifts I received last year was from my mother, who bought tickets for our family and our neighbors to enjoy a Phil Aaberg concert in Chester.  It was the highlight of my otherwise self-induced surly season last year. 

 

This year, Phil Aaberg will be in Choteau on December 11 giving his talents to help the group.  This group gives support to people in our community who are developing their own talents, but may not be able to afford parts of their training.  These

are the gifts that keep on giving.
Opportunities for All

This year, I hope to take my witch’s broom and sweep away at least a few of the strains of the season.  Maybe some of the ideas will work for you to be holly and jolly, too.  

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Jean Chatzky Holiday Spending

MSU Tips on Jolly

Holiday Stress