I suppose if you live long enough, you gather some of those moments that are both vivid and vague – some mixture of surreal and so real. As I think about one such moment in my life, I could describe exactly where I was, I could sketch the room down to the furniture placement and direction I was facing. I know the date and the day of week. What I cannot describe is the time of day, the weather or who called me with certainty. Even the conversation is vague, but the reason for the call is vivid. Too vivid. My co-worker’s son, who was a 13-year-old 4-H member, had killed himself. He was a delightful young man. I was new to the job, so I had only worked with him for six months, but in that time, I was with him often through summer 4-H activities and after school programs. He was an upbeat, energetic kid with an engaging and infectious smile. I believe he acted impulsively that day, not truly realizing the permanence of his action.
The day for him was a bit unusual. He had gotten into some small trouble at school. His mother had been called in and both were visiting with the school administrator when the alarm sounded for a fire drill, which meant he walked outside with his mom and the principal in front of the whole student body. He was given the choice between in-school or out-of-school suspension. He opted for out-of-school. His mom took him home, lined him out with some chores and went back to work. When his dad came home, not much later… his son was gone.
I recently attended a training for 4-H Extension where one portion addressed youth in crisis. As a former, and still certified, school counselor and teacher, I have had experience working with youth at crisis points. One of my Extension colleagues was also formerly a school counselor and she made a salient point during discussion – all of us are counselors. If a youth chooses to connect with you, you have been chosen by them for a reason. My colleague encouraged us to be aware and to recognize the fact that we can all have enormous influence. I think what she was trying to say is keep your eyes, ears and your heart open.
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Montana has a high rate of suicide and has been among the top five states for nearly 40 years. We tend to focus on youth suicides, perhaps because it seems like such a tremendous waste of potential life. Maybe youth suicide bothers us because we realize that some of the things we once thought were huge challenges in our youth, only seemed so huge because we lacked experience in dealing with them. The more challenges we face and conquer, the more we feel empowered to keep doing so. I think, in the case of my young friend, he had never had anything that even slightly tarnished his otherwise stellar reputation before that day and he didn’t know how to handle it. While to the adults in his life, his trouble may have seemed trivial and insignificant (or at least out of proportion with the cost of his life), to him, in that moment, it was monumental. Certainly, no matter what age, some of what people are dealing with seems insurmountable, torturously difficult and painful.
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During the training, the instructor talked about how misunderstood suicide can be. He spoke of the people who have attempted suicide at the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. Of the “jumpers” who have attempted suicide at the bridge, very few have survived. However, and this is particularly important, of those who attempted and lived, when asked what their first thought was they went over the edge, the overwhelming majority said, “I wish I hadn’t done that.” In fact, one jumper said, “I instantly realized that everything in my life that I’d thought was unfixable was totally fixable—except for having just jumped.”
A mid-century study followed up with 515 people who were prevented from attempting suicide at the bridge during a 30+ year time span revealed that indeed more than three decades later, 94 percent were still alive or had died of natural causes. This study reveals that suicidal behavior is often acute and crisis-oriented. It is quite likely temporary, if the person can make it through the high-risk period, which may be just a few months. I have often heard it said that suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem.
Which brings me back to my colleague’s comment that we are all counselors. I’m not suggesting that we absorb responsibility for anyone else’s decisions. For instance, the day that 4-H member completed suicide, I don’t know that I could have done anything to change the outcome, as I was entirely unaware of the events of that day, until it was too late. Nor could any of the adults surrounding him have predicted the suicide based on previous interactions with him. I do think, however, that if anything at all might have interrupted him, the impulse would have passed and he would have made it through what he perceived as a critical crisis. You never know when you might be able to be that needed interruption.
If you are in crisis and want help, call the Montana Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 24/7, at 1-800-273-TALK
(1-800-273-8255). Reach out to someone. There are people in your life and in your community who have their hearts open and want you to live.
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2014 US Suicide Data
After an Attempt
- A Guide for Taking Care of Your Family Member After Treatment in the Emergency Department
- A Guide for Taking Care of Yourself After Your Treatment in the Emergency Department
- A Guide for Medical Providers in the Emergency Department Taking Care of Suicide Attempt Survivors
Let's Talk Montana
Primary Care Guidelines in Assessing Suicide Risk in Veterans
Suicide Mortality Review Team
- 2014 SMRT Final Report
- Montana Code Annotated 53-21-1107 - Montana suicide review team
- Suicide Mortality Review Team
Suicide Prevention Resources for LGBT Youth
- Packet of Handouts for Suicide Prevention among LGBT Youth Workshop
- Suicide Risk and Prevention for LGBT Youth
- The Trevor Project
Tools for Primary Care
- Basic scoring guide for Clinicians
- PHQ - Questions
- SAFETY Plan Template
- Safety Planning Guide
- Safe-T Protocol with C-SSRS
