It was about Easter time a few years back that I found
myself sleeping next to my dad, which, I’ll admit, sounds a little strange, so
let me explain. My dad had been diagnosed with brain cancer. The stages of his
treatment are a little blurry in my mind now, but I believe he’d had his second
tumor removal a month or so before I found myself acting as a primary caregiver.
When I arrived
out at the farm that weekend, my mother looked exhausted. Really exhausted. She
had been doing pretty much full-time care for Dad, and he wasn’t sleeping well.
He was getting up several times a night. Of course, he wasn’t very stable on
his feet, so when he was restless and getting up, someone had to be beside him.
Mom looked like she could use a break, which is how I found myself sleeping next
to my father.
During the
night, we were up, we were down. I helped him to and from the bathroom. He was
unable to sleep and kept feeling a need to get up and move. I must have been
exhibiting some extreme patience, because after the umpteenth time of getting
settled back into bed, Dad reached over and patted my arm and said, “I don’t
know what I ever did to deserve for you to treat me this way.”
Fortunately,
in the haze of sleep deprivation, I had the clarity to say, “I learned it from
you.” I went on to remind my dad that he and my mom brought my Grandma Inez
into our home when I was a young child. She was so crippled from her arthritis,
she had nearly no mobility left. As a 7-year-old child, I watched my dad lift
Grandma to and from the toilet, to and from the bed, and to and from her
recliner. I watched my mom help Grandma get dressed. I told my dad, “You taught
me how. It is only fair that some of it comes back your way.” We talked more
about the lesson in caregiving that I had learned from this sometimes gruff
farmer with the twinkling blue eyes.
Caregiving,
with all of its honor and lessons, is hard. I saw it take a toll on my mom both
as she cared for her own mother while raising a young family, and later as she
was by my dad’s side nearly every minute for two years after his diagnosis. Perhaps
you have found yourself in the role of caregiver, whether to a young child with
a chronic condition or to an aging family member with dementia. The road you
are on is not easy, but it can be easier.
In March, I
was trained to teach the Powerful Tools for Caregivers class. I was stunned to
learn that 72 percent of caregivers die before their care recipient. The toll
of caregiving can be very high. Taking care of oneself is paramount to being
able to continue to care for a loved one.
The
Powerful Tools for Caregivers class is an educational program that provides
family caregivers with the skills and confidence to better care for themselves
while caring for someone with a chronic illness. PTC consists of six 90-minute
classes led by a trained facilitator using a standardized curriculum. In the
six-week PTC class, caregivers learn how to use community resources, better
manage stress, communicate effectively with friends, family and healthcare
providers, cope with difficult emotions and take better steps to better care
for themselves.
I am
gauging interest in the county for a Powerful Tools for Caregivers class. If
you would like to participate in the program, either in the next few weeks or
in the next year, please contact the Montana State University Teton County
Extension Office to be included on a PTC list. Depending on the response, I may
offer a class before the end of May.
There are
some excellent tools taught in this program. I look forward to learning with people
in our county who are doing the very important work of caregiving.
Resources:
